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How do you know that you are worthy? What makes you feel worthy? Is it the attention or admiration that you get from others? The likes, the DMs, or people telling you you’re attractive. Or is it having a significant other that validates that someone finally wants to be with you. The elation that someone has finally seen you when you’ve felt unseen all your life. When you struggle with unworthiness, it seeps through every aspect of your life. The smallest things can trigger you. You might seek attention in unhealthy ways or you might want all the attention focused on you because this attention fuels you.
So what happens when you don’t get that attention? What message does that send to you? The little voice inside your head starts talking and the incessant chatter will not stop. The voice tells you that you are not good enough. That you will never be good enough. Even when you try to shake that voice off, it is still whispering to you that you are not enough. So you continue to seek external validation.
Honestly, none of the external validation matters. If you have felt unworthy for most of your life, you’ve probably been screaming internally for people to see you as worthy and have been seeking validation from them. Maybe you have shrunk yourself to conform. Have you accepted less than you deserve because you believed that was the best that you can get? You have been in friendships and relationships that do not serve you. You settle for crumbs when you want the whole cake. Because you feel unworthy, you teach others to treat you as such. When was the last time you felt good enough?
You hold many hats as a friend, child, sibling, and partner, but you still feel like you are not worthy. You overcompensate to make yourself appear to have it all together. You’re afraid to show up as your authentic self because you are scared about what others will think. But when you get to the root of it all, what is the real issue? Why has this seed been planted? Why does it continue to be watered? I wonder if this was something passed down from generation to generation. Could it be possible that your ancestors ever felt like they were not worthy or like they were not good enough?
The cycle needs to be broken. This feeling is an extreme habit to break. It will take a lot of unlearning and undoing. You have to want to unlearn these faulty thoughts. You have allowed so many things to happen that are unacceptable, and honestly, it is not all the other person’s fault. It’s a standard that you’ve set for yourself, or the lack thereof. Maybe you’ve never expected to be treated well. In hindsight, maybe you’ve always been okay with being treated poorly. I know you don’t like to play the victim—you never do. You take responsibility and blame yourself for the position that you are in. You pride yourself on self-reflection and self-awareness. You reflect and think what could I have done better. What was I lacking in this situation? I promise you, you weren’t lacking. I promise you, you are not to blame.
When was the last time you told yourself that you were proud of yourself? You need to give yourself grace. Give yourself the same grace that you would give to others. You are amazing and wonderfully made. When you look in the mirror, you should see a conqueror. A person who is flawed but who has decided to live as their authentic self. A person that, despite what has happened to them, still chooses to push through. You might have felt that you are not enough. But let me tell you a secret: You have always been good enough and you will always be good enough. I know you might not believe it right now, and it might take you a long time to comprehend, but you are worthy to be in the spaces that you are in. You are worthy of the relationships that you have. You deserve to relish in your accomplishments. You deserve to be celebrated. Do not shrink yourself because the little voice in your head is telling you that you don’t deserve it. Next time that voice dares to speak, tell it that I am worthy.