I know what you’re feelingーpressure and frustration.
I also know that you’re having trouble sleeping at night, not because you took an afternoon nap, but because you have a lot of thoughts coming in, and you have to go process these thoughts and arrange them like books on your bookshelf.
By the time you wake up the next day with only four hours of sleep, you tell yourself, “Here we go again.” It’s as if you’re stuck in a time loop, dealing with the same crap all over again. Part of you is becoming tired of it every single day.
At the end of the day, a question comes to mind: Am I really where I’m supposed to be?
By the time you go to bed, you find yourself again with disarrayed thoughts that need tidying.
Right now, you have found out that it’s okay to not have everything figured out yet. And I’m so proud of you for being able to accept that fact.
But you’re dawned with a greater challenge today: You are questioning your progress.
You looked behind you and saw that you’ve come really far from where you started. And you started pushing through the tough road you’re in. You’ve reached crossroads before that halt your progress, and you were able to get past them.
Now, there are no crossroads; it seems like a dead end. No lights ahead, just a jet black darkness and cold air.
And you know for sure that this is not where you want to be yet. And this terrifies you more than having to choose which road to take. Because it looks like you have no choice.
Your thoughts keep coming asking you what to do. Suddenly, you don’t know where you want to be anymore. Your knees tremble in fear, cold tears and sweat running on your skin, and a haunting sound in your back that you just can’t look at. The fear drains all your energy. You’re losing your interest in doing things you used to love: writing, watching and reviewing films, and reading books.
You have a strong mind, and that’s something you have that I admire about you. But sometimes, it can be too strong that you even succumb to your own self-sabotaging thoughts.
These thoughts cloud your mind to recognize the things you did well today and focus on the things you didn’t instead. They stop you from indulging yourself on things you deserve because every time you do, it feels wrong. You can’t figure out how to break free out of your current zone, and you are a big factor to it.
But I don’t blame you.
So please close your eyes and take a deep breath. Calm yourself. At this moment, I’m sure you know you’re not going anywhere yet. That’s okay. But you feel like you’re wasting your time doing nothing. It could be your coping mechanism; that’s okay.
All these things bugging your mind led to thinking that you’re not progressing; that’s not okay.
Always remember that you’re not the same person as you are yesterday. You are changing. And while sometimes it doesn’t always mean you’re progressing, it’s also a means that you are not stuck.
Take your time coping in this new normal. As someone who loves being around with people, it sure is a difficult time for your well being. But you’ll see it through. I know it because you’re always up for a challenge.
If you get tired, take a rest. Take a look back at what you’ve done and see what things you could’ve done better. Not because you fell short, but because you know there are better ways that you haven’t figured out yet.
The process could be daunting and repetitive. But think of it as a stage in a game that you need to clear to get to the next one. Maybe in this stage, there are missing pieces that you need to find and puzzles you need to solve that unlock the door to the next chapter of your life.
You don’t see patience as a virtue; you see patience as a skill. So you should learn to harness it in your favor. Because this challenge is not a joke, and you’re not even halfway to your goals.
Just always remember that even if you’re not yet in a place where you want to be, you’re in a place that you worked hard for and you deserve it.