Healing is messy and there’s no timeline for healing. It’s something you do on your own. It’s something you work through and figure out day by day. It’s something that hits you in waves and makes you realize just how strong you actually are.
It’s okay to think that you were over it. It’s okay for it to hit you all over again and for you to realize that you’re not okay. It’s okay to fall apart when you thought you had it together. It’s okay to not have it under control all of the time. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay.
You’re not weak.
You’re not somehow weak because you found yourself crying in the shower. You’re not weak for having a hard time getting out of bed today. You’re not weak for pouring vodka on your problems. You’re not weak for missing him. You’re not weak for not being able to talk about it. You’re not weak for talking about it too much. You’re not weak for pushing through and trying not to cry today.
You’re healing in the only ways that you know how. You’re trying to stay focused and you’re trying to keep your shit together. You’re trying to tell yourself that things didn’t work out because he didn’t appreciate you. You’ve convinced yourself for years now that he did care, he just didn’t know how to show it. That’s seeming a little hard to believe right now, especially considering the circumstances.
You’re feeling alone.
You’re feeling alone whether you’re in a room full of people or isolated to your bedroom. You’re feeling alone and as if you’re not worth loving. You need to stop allowing how he treated you, spoke to you, and what he did to you to define the amount of love you think you deserve.
Here’s the bottom line.
You deserve more than you’ve given yourself. You have way more to offer than what he took from you on a semi regular basis. You have more to offer than how you’re treating yourself.
Move the fuck on. Be happy. Breathe it in and let it the fuck go.
Heal in your own time however that looks.
Release your inner bitch. She’s amazing and a force to be reckoned with.